Heartattack Hill

There’s a funny section of road by Jennilyn’s parents house in Battle Ground. It’s a big dip in the road unlike any I’ve ever seen. Big enough that the sign preceding it is, quite simply, a lie. It’s not a dip—it’s an acute “V” in the road.

The first time we visited Heartattack Hill was during the day. We traveled on some back road for a while and Jennilyn requested that I sped up. Quite a bit.

Jenni started chanting, “Heartattack Hill. Heartattack Hill. Heartattack Hill.”

We cruised through a few hills before dropping into a big dip and I felt my brain flatten on the base of my skull on the way up from the dip. Jennilyn giggled and assured me that Heartattack Hill was much more impressive at night.

And it was. The few times I’ve done it at night, it’s freaky, because you’ll be cruising at an illegally high speed, go down a big hill with more speed, then suddenly see nothing except what looks like a wall in front of you painted like a road. Before you smash into the road-that-looks-like-a-wall, you get that brain-smashed-at-base-of-skull high as you climb up from the dip in the road.

During Christmas, I reminisced about Heartattack Hill after I accidentally took a wrong turn on the way to Longview and sailed down the “dip” in the road. My thoughts then drifted to the night I proposed to Jennilyn and how I knew two Heartattack Hills.

After I bought Jennilyn’s engagement ring, I had twenty-one days to figure out how to propose to her. Twenty-one days because I was silly enough to tip my hand and told her I would propose within the month. I wanted it to be special and romantic, because she deserved no less. And also it would be story she would remember for the rest of her life, so I had better make it memorable—either because of my skills or my folly. It just had to be a great story.

The idea I eventually went with was to play off an earlier fun memory Jennilyn had of me. For her birthday the previous year, I was helping Tracy hide Jenni’s birthday cake in my car trunk. Somehow, I happily and unintelligently had Jennilyn ride with me. I had put her dance shoes in my trunk as she got into my car, but when we arrived at our dance destination, she was waiting at my trunk before I could get to it. I tried to be sly and lead her away but she needed her dance shoes.

So I stood there frantic to find a way to keep her birthday cake a surprise. I opened the car trunk, then close it. I looked up at the sky trying to think of something. All the while, Jennilyn thought I was crazy. Especially when I opened the trunk and closed it immediately when she tried to help open it.

I fessed up to the surprise cake that Tracy got for her and she was relieved to find out that I wasn’t a psychopath. She and I had a great laugh and poked fun at the moment.

Back the engagement story, here was my master plan. It was pretty simple actually. On the night before her birthday, I would propose to her, since she might think it was a birthday present.

I bought Jennilyn a bible, and tied her engagement ring to the bookmark ribbon and placed in the first page of the Song of Songs book. I laid the bible out in my trunk and seasoned it with fresh rose pedals. I would be parked at Jenni’s backyard and be ready for her.

Jennilyn and I prayed nightly over the phone while we dated. So the plan was at the end of the prayer, I would have her come outside to find me.

As all perfectly planned plans go, as I was driving up to Jenni’s place, she called me early and we talked for a while on the phone. I was afraid she would see me drive by since she often talked in her living room to get the best reception on her cellphone. So I parked in her neighbor’s driveway. Thankfully I had talked it over with Jenni’s parents so they wouldn’t be alarmed if they heard me drive past their house at 11pm. Jenni’s super-mom even made arrangements with the neighbor so I could park in their driveway in case something went awry. Gotta love backup plans.

So I talked with Jenni a little longer in her neighbor’s driveway, trying to find a reason to call her back after we would pray. I don’t quite remember what I did, but I think I ended the conversation abruptly and proceeded to set up my trunk before driving past her house.

After I got all set up in her backyard, I created a path of candles down from her backyard to the base of her porch stairs. I had bought a whole bag of tea lights, but after lighting five of them, I realized that the flames were somewhat low, and being the summer, all the grass was dry. I imagined accidentally setting her parents’ backyard ablaze trying to be romantic, so I decided to stack the candles three-high and lighting just the top one.

Well, after lighting a few stacks like that, it occurred to me it was taking forever and I was getting impatient. I believe I spaced them out quite far after that and sprinted back to my car to make the call.

Needless to say, it all worked out in the end. We talked, prayed, then I asked her to come out of her front door. When she did, there was silence on the other end of the call, so I asked her to look to her left. When I heard the happy gasp I was originally expecting, I smiled, “See you at the end.”

So how does that related to heartattacks? Well, I left that part of the story out. When I was parked in her neighbor’s driveway, Jennilyn called me back as I was setting up and asked me worriedly if everything was ok. I was breathing hard and lied to her that everything was ok so I could get back to my setup. I was breathing hard because my heart was pounding like mad and giving me crazy chest pains. I was so nervous about proposing to my dream girl—I thought I was going to have a heartattack!

Ah Jennilyn, my very own Heartattack Hill.